horcruxs: it may seem like i’m always online and that’s because i am
rneerkat: spamanos: rneerkat: what did the squirrel say to his waitress squirrels dont fucking talk you piece of shit why would he say that to his waitress she would obviously know he was being dishonest
ninetailedgrace: vriksaserket: vriksaserket: i changed the settings on my moms phone so that when she types my name it changes to ‘my favorite child’ and when she types a swear, it changes it to something more family friendly i am laughing so hard
ponshi: leftinstitches: amhras: jesus only had 12 followers but they talked to him why don’t you guys talk to me
Me every night: I can have exactly 7 hours 23 minutes and 48 seconds of sleep if I fall asleep right now.
idk why people take me so seriously i never even know what im saying
me trying to tell a story: so yeah like, he said, or no, wait, first she was like.... i don't remember, but it's not important to the story 'cause... wait, yeah it is, but, i don't know man, it was just weird you know 'cause.. i don't know
Friend: go ask
Me: no you go ask
Friend: no you
Me: fine can I have ketchup
Teacher: NO DON'T PACK UP WE STILL HAVE 0.00000007 SECONDS OF CLASS LEFT!
year is 2392
child: mommy i can't sleep
mother: don't worry child. lay down as i sing you this ancient lullaby, passed on through my family for generations
mother: WALK INTO THE CLUB LIKE WHAT UP, I GOT A BIG COCK
thedramaticsneeze: hoshigumayuugi: i actually like being up early i just don’t like getting up early YOU PUT THIS IN WORDS
waauw: girlsbydaylight: targeryan: SO I...
esotericsanonymous: (◕‿◕✿) What the fuck (◕‿◕✿) does this even mean anymore (◕‿◕✿) is it supposed to express love and peace (◕‿◕✿) or unfathomable rage and hatred
My hobbies include laying in bed in my underwear while I listen to music and hate myself
❁◕ ‿ ◕❁ i am so fucking disgusting ❁◕ ‿ ◕❁
if youre attractive and you talk to me first, chances are im very confused
homleschapel: summer is real cute until every fuckin type of insect comes out of the 8th circle of hell
mom: you haven't moved since I left the house 6 hours ago wtf
me: excuse me where do you think these chips came from
emmatsone: i’m a victoria’s secret model. it’s such a secret that not even victoria knows.
I’m not anyone’s first choice. I’m not anyone’s favorite. People may tell me I mean a lot to them and that I’m special to them but I know there’s someone they will always choose over me.